Clutter

When I look around my home, I see items I have brought in to meet a need of some kind 
Practical needs – like kettles and toasters
Aesthetic needs – like cushions and posters 
Comfort and rest needs – like beds and sofas
Then add the need for everyday joy – good coffee, a decent TV and I find I live a life of luxury
And I find too that luxury does not equate to easy and breezy

Clutter fills the gaps
Letters that need reading
A screw that needs putting back
A dis-guarded wrapper 
And many many lonely socks
The bits of bike that my son “has” to keep
The coat abandoned on the stairs, an arms reach from its hook
The recycling that would be gone if carried just a few metres to the box where it belongs

The clutter annoys me
It tells a story of everyday living, and many missed moments of responsibility taking
An unawareness of how one action affects another family member 
Why does no-one stop to throw away that broken pen or the key to a door long since replaced?

Then I wonder – when my brood have gone and the clutter no longer appears in the wake of my clearing, will I miss it?
Will I miss the clutter of sound, the interrupting questions and the slamming front door?
Will I miss the scattered living that happens in every room around our home?
Will it feel like home without it?

A song that caught my attention recently has these words: 

“I’ve been afraid of the changes, as I’ve built my life around you”

While my life is full enough that when they’ve gone I will still have a life of my own, this song is true of me. The home and culture I have created, curated, has been built around these three amazing humans who each carry the potential, the power, the inspiration, motivation to change this world

They each leave their marks wherever they go and I cannot see them all

But for now, at least, home here is the landing place at the end of the day

For now

It will soon change and days will pass with me not knowing their answers to “how was your day”. And they will not know mine

It moves my heart that they have each other to coach them through the unknown

Exams, first girlfriends, first heartbreaks, new schools, the dynamics of adolescent friendships in a world where very little is certain as it all changes so fast

I get to be their person, but they would do just as well without me some days, which is precious, and beautiful and somewhat sad

This is my role here, in the clutter and the noise, my place in their worlds, to make ready their hearts, their minds, their bodies, to venture, to cook, budget, care, learn, grow and become the fullness of themselves

To do this will mean, to do this already means, letting go

naomi sarah