Lights

I looked out of my window, it was foggy in a way that made me wonder if it was snowing in the dawning light
I went downstairs to make my morning coffee, where sleep is lacking I hoped this ritual and all it brought would push back the fatigue
I love my coffee machine and the daily routine of making it, there is comfort in the process
There is joy and self-care in the partaking
I came back to my room as the dawn began, not a sunrise, rather a gradual lightening of the morning grey, the fog that in the dark looked like snow

I was reminded of that crazy New Years night spent on the beach, we wanted to see the first sunrise of the year
Funny what we hoped for
The thick fog of cold winter was so close we could hardly see each other, let alone the rising sun
We stayed anyway
It feels like a dream now
Memories
Foggy joy mixed together with teenage angst, we each wanted someone to hold us

As I looked again out of my window I saw across the valley a line of lights running along the roof line of some distant barns marking the festive season
The lights forced their way through the fog to reach me
I realised just then what it is all for
The millions of lights strung across houses, in windows, trees and hedgerows
They are reaching
The one who hung them wants them to be seen and bring joy to the see-er
There is hopeful joy in those strings

I have hung mine too – my actual lights and my metaphorical ones
I bought new lights this year and when I hung them my daughter laughed at how much joy I took in hanging them in the most visible place possible

My metaphorical lights have been strung up too
I have pulled old ones out of storage, found old-new unboxed ones obtained over the years that were not labelled as mine, but I didn’t know

These lights are my heart, my questions, my story, my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my values
These lights are my being
While some are on display, some are being gently de-tangled with new bulbs for broken ones, burned out ones
Some are switched on, some yet to shine

I looked and saw that garish coloured lights brought as much joy to my heart as the warm white lights I hung in my home
The lights invite
The lights connect
The lights bring hope
The lights delight even the saddest of hearts
They shine through the gloom of pain, of heartbreak, of all the losses that feel more acute in the festive season
They shine on and reach out to say
“Hang in there”

naomi sarah